I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
