Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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