If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
