In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize