Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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