A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
