im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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