1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
