just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
