i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
