wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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