I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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