I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to align my fucking chakras
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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