thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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