Don't make out with my wife yet
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize