I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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