we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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