He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
