I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
