i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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