Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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