I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
two words...techno handjob
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
