I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
