I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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