She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
