I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
