you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
