you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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