I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
