My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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