i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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