I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize