A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
