you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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