His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
