My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
