Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
