is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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