Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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