Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize