It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
