i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
