Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
