Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize