Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
