Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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