There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
