i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
