I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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