So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize