at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
