Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
