i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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