I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
