My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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