I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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