i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
