This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
