Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
