I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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