Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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