We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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