fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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