I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
